This isn’t the version of my life I imagined I’d be writing about.
Not at this age. Not after everything I’ve learned, everything I’ve done.
But here we are—at the backline of midlife, neck-deep in a career pivot with a wallet that’s lighter than it should be, a heart still full of fire, and a head that won’t stop asking:
“Why the hell is this so hard?”
Let’s just call it what it is: rebuilding a life, a career, a lifetime of experience—after spending years doing work that I was good at but not always proud of—is complicated.
I’m not new to this game. I’ve helped companies rake in more than six figures a day. I’ve built email programs that converted cold leads into memberships faster than most people could write a subject line. I’ve seen the inside of success. I’ve tasted it. I’ve run with it.
And I’ve also attempted to walk away from it. Always returning for the ALMIGHTY DOLLAR
The Industry I Left Behind
Here’s the truth, and I’m not here to sugar-coat it:
I built my skill set, developed my experience in the online adult industry at one of the companiesthat pioneered affiliate marketing programs and online processing for credit cards. I was behind the screen—running marketing and affiliate programs, dialing in email sequences, and making numbers move.
I made my name with a product called Psychicrealm—over 30 paid conversions a day from cold traffic. That landed me the opportunity to take over Naughty Mail, an email product the company had just bought. That’s where I really learned the craft—building high-volume, high-conversion email systems that made $150k a month for one product alone.
I’m proud of the work I did, but not proud of the industry I did it in. That tension sat in my gut for years. I knew I had the skills. I just didn’t want to keep using them for someone else’s bottom line—especially when the product wasn’t something I could stand behind.
The Pull to Do Something of My Own
That’s been the throughline for years. That ache to build something real. Something mine.
And if I’m honest, the first time I really followed that pull was when I started a project called Sliding Glass.
I didn’t know what I was doing technically—I just grabbed a camera and went. I shot surf, I shot wakeboarding, I followed my instincts. I’m a water sports junky and a rock and roll junky, and that project brought both together in a way that made me feel completely alive.
The content I created. The relationships I built. That was mine. And I was so damn proud of it.
Sliding Glass was a moment of clarity—proof that I could build something I believed in. That I could tell stories that mattered to me. That I didn’t need anyone’s permission to just start.
The Moment I Almost Jumped—and Didn’t
In January 2023, I was in Playa del Carmen. I’d just been let go—three months earlier than planned. It should have been the moment I went all in.
I took a trip to El Cuyo, sat with it all, and knew I had the means to make the leap.
And then I didn’t.
Not fully. I told myself I would. But instead, I floated. I enjoyed the freedom. Maybe a little too much.
But that moment planted something. And slowly, it grew into what I’m building now.
Building Something Real (Across Three Brands)
I didn’t just want ShiverMedia, the agency. I realized I’ve always needed more than just a single lane.
So I started building three distinct spaces: • ShiverMedia – digital marketing and design, grounded in strategy and storytelling for small businesses • SamiMartin – personal brand: stories, wellness, growth, midlife pivots in the backline, and saltwater truths • Salty Blue Mexico – documenting ocean adventures, reef conservation, travel stories rooted in place and purpose
These brands let me bring all of me to the table—creative, strategic, personal, and passionate. Each one fuels the work I actually want to do. Not just for income, but for impact.
What I’m Doing Now (And What Lights Me Up)
These days, I’m offering what I know how to do best: • Brand development and logo design • Email marketing and lifecycle campaigns • Social media strategy and content planning • Real estate photo and video here on the island • Teaching tools and digital downloads • AI prompting and visual content creation—because I’ve always stayed ahead of the tech
And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m doing work that matters.
The Puerta al Cielo shoot? Climbing up to shoot a rooftop trampoline install? That’s the stuff I live for. Planning and executing the Izla Hotel content strategy? Right in my flow. Branding work and storytelling with Turquoise Tides Travel? Deeply fulfilling.
Even covering the Island Time Music Festival felt like everything I care about—music, visuals, storytelling—colliding in the best way.
This is the kind of work that makes me feel useful. Grounded. Alive.
The Brutal Truth: The Money Sucks Right Now
Let’s be real. I’m in debt. One of my anchor clients is on pause. I’m living gig to gig, holding my breath, and hoping the tide shifts soon.
And still—I’ve never been clearer about what I’m here to do.
I’m grateful for the people who have shown up for me. The ones who’ve reminded me that support doesn’t always come with fanfare—it just shows up.
Because yeah, it’s hard. But I’m not lost. I’m just rebuilding slower, with more intention.
What Giving Up Would Look Like—and Why I’m Not
There are moments I think about quitting.
Getting a job that pays just to get out of debt. Leaving Mexico. Starting over again.
But quitting has never meant rest to me—it’s always meant regret. And I’m not ready to trade my dreams for someone else’s routine.
I don’t want to be the person who walked away right before it all clicked. I’ve done that before. I’m not doing it again.
What Semi-Retirement Looks Like to Me
I’m not trying to buy a house in the suburbs. I’m not chasing six figures for bragging rights.
Semi-retirement, to me, means this: • I’ve paid off the debt • I’ve got consistent income from what I’ve built • I’m able to travel when I want • I’m living in beach towns, working from my laptop • I’m documenting surf, reef life, and salty living • I’ve got a partner who rides alongside me • I feel healthy, strong, free—and finally me
That’s the plan. And I know it’s possible.
Success has never been a corner office. It’s only ever been a means to an end.
What Success Looks Like Now
Success is: • Creating with heart • Earning from my skills without selling out • Supporting myself while doing work I believe in • Teaching, mentoring, telling stories that matter • Contributing, not just consuming • Feeling proud of what I leave behind
It’s not about the numbers. It’s about the alignment.
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Final Word: The Tide Is Turning
I don’t have it all figured out. But I’m still in the water. Still paddling. Still chasing the set I know is coming.
This isn’t how I thought it would be. But maybe this is the version I needed all along. Not polished. Not easy. But mine.
Some beginnings don’t come with fireworks. No declarations. No big reveal.
Just the quiet drag of a box across the floor, the hum of a fan in a new space, and the kind of silence that finally feels like possibility instead of loss.
This is where I’m starting from.
The Year That Broke Me a Bit
I spent the last year feeling like I was on the outside of my own life, watching it from somewhere slightly removed. Work dried up. Not all at once, but enough to make me question everything I’d built. I’ve always made it work—pieced things together, freelanced, created—but this time was different. The financial stress cracked open everything else: my health, my mindset, my ability to keep pretending I was okay.
My body followed. Weight gain—again.Ive talked about the roller coaster. Its exhausting and my fault. Knees giving out. I should have listened to Dr Armstrong so many moons ago. Hockey was hard on my knees. Stomach wrecked. Tammy says it’s likely IBS… I just want it to stop Eyes are deteriorating, especially the left one with BRVO, like my body was trying to say what I wouldn’t admit: something has to change..
Backline of Midlife
This isn’t some victim arc. I’ve had incredible accomplishments. Graduated in graphic design and advertising back when it meant sketch pads, markers, typesetting by hand. I cut my teeth in the early days of the internet—when websites were built line by line, when communities were carved out in forums and chatrooms, before social media ruled the world.
Payment processing, digital communities, early social platforms, media creation—been there, built that. I’ve worked with big clients, hungry startups, small dreamers chasing something real. Earned my stripes in the digital trenches when it wasn’t glamorous, just necessary.
But even with all that under my belt, I’ve often coward in the presence of my own fears. I let perfectionism box me in. I let pain pull me sideways. I let plain old panic shut down the bigger parts of me that wanted to show up in the world.
Now, at the backline of midlife, I feel the edges of time pressing in. Not crushing, but undeniable. There are fewer chances left to squander, and I don’t want to waste another one. It’s time I got the most from my life. Starting from here.
Leaving the Old Life (and the Old Me)
I left a senior marketing role in 2015—interim director of marketing, with the steady paycheck, the corporate ladder stretched out before me like a conveyor belt to retirement. I could see exactly where it was all going. And I didn’t want any part of it.
I wanted sun on my skin, salt in my hair, dirt under my nails from building something of my own. Not just marketing other people’s stories—but living mine.
I wasn’t new to travel. I had seen pieces of the world already—London, Amsterdam, Scotland, Mexico. Everywhere I went, something stirred. A deep, stubborn longing for more.
When I was in my teens, I dreamed of moving to a small beach town in Mexico. I pictured it vividly: a little cabin steps from the ocean, days spent surfing, swimming at dawn, shaping sculptures and creating art under the slow spin of a ceiling fan. No internet. No emails. No urgency. Just life, raw and real.
Of course, life doesn’t bend so easily. We need money. We need structure. We get pulled into jobs, into deadlines, into expectations.
But that dream never really left me. And in 2015, when I landed in Isla Mujeres, it felt like maybe, finally, I could build something close to it.
I thought Isla would be my hub. A place to launch more adventures, to travel, to explore, to live light and free.
But it wasn’t meant to be. Life had other plans.
I fell into a relationship. Six years deep, and complicated in every direction.
It ended in late 2021, maybe early 2022, though honestly, endings like that don’t stick neatly to a calendar.
The healing wasn’t clean either. The loss wasn’t just about someone else—it was the loss of a part of myself I had finally found.
During those years, I had glimpsed a version of me that was more real than I had ever known. I believed in myself, in what I could create, in what I deserved. I saw my own strength in ways I never had before. When it ended, I didn’t just grieve the relationship—I grieved the clarity it had given me.
At first, I tried to merge what I had found with who I had always been. It was messy, hopeful work. I lost nearly 50 pounds. I trained, hard. I moved my body with purpose again. I dug deep.
I was starting to find a groove—a rhythm that felt like mine.
And then, mid-2023, I met Tammy. The woman I share my life with now.
Tammy didn’t fix anything. She didn’t rescue me. She simply saw me—fully—and gave me room to stand in my own skin again. Flawed, creative, saltwater-wired, and endlessly curious.
With Tammy, I found permission to be the Sam I had worked so hard to rediscover.
But even with love in my life, something still wasn’t clicking. The rest of my world was out of alignment.
I was still clocking hours on work that drained me. Still hustling for survival instead of reaching for meaning. Still waking up with a weight in my chest that said, “this isn’t it.”
I wasn’t living. I was surviving.
And no matter how much love surrounded me, I knew—deep down—that I had to make a change. Not for anyone else. Not for validation. For me.
To honour the dreams I planted when I was young. To finish the journey I started when I walked away from that safe marketing desk ten years ago.
Starting from here. Starting with me.
The Move That Mattered
The move wasn’t filmed. Too real. Too heavy. Too damn exhausting.
But that’s part of the story too. Maybe the most honest part.
There’s a version of moving that looks good on camera—timelapses of boxes stacked neatly, friends laughing while carrying a couch, the golden light of “new beginnings” shining through spotless windows.
This wasn’t that.
This was sweat and swollen fingers. This was three solo golf cart trips across cracked streets, leaking oil the whole way, knees burning and begging for relief. This was loading and unloading until my hands cramped, wondering if I’d even make it through the day. Then my buddy Cosne showed up—steady, no questions asked—and for a while, the weight felt a little lighter, the grind a little less brutal. But the real shift? That still had to happen on my own.
I can show you glimpses—cardboard bruised from the weight, clothes stuffed hastily into bins, plants buckled under the heat, the last sad pizza box from the final night in the old place.
I can show the boxes, the unpacking, the little pieces of “before” making their way into “after.” The random receipts from a version of my life that doesn’t quite fit anymore. The notebooks half-filled with plans I outgrew without even noticing.
But the real shift? That didn’t happen in the packing. It didn’t happen in the lifting or the sorting or the swearing under my breath.
It happened after.
It happened when the last box hit the ground and the echo in the new apartment was mine alone to hear. It happened sitting outside on the new patio—bare feet on cool concrete, sweat still drying on my skin, heart still hammering from the weight of it all.
It happened when I realized I wasn’t running anymore. I wasn’t clinging to what had been lost. I wasn’t trapped by what hadn’t worked.
I was breathing. For the first time in what felt like forever, I was breathing on my own terms.
And that’s when I knew.
This wasn’t just a move. This was a reset.
Not loud. Not polished. Not pretty.
But real.
And real is enough.
This space has a garden. It’s not big or flashy, but it’s enough.
Enough to feel the sun stretch across my skin first thing in the morning. Enough to sit outside with a coffee, barefoot, letting my mind settle before the noise of the day creeps in. Enough to watch the tiny anole lizards dart through the foliage, their quick green flashes a reminder that even in stillness, life moves.
I arranged the plants myself—pots dragged from old places, new greens picked out carefully, a mix of old soul and fresh start. There’s something about setting them down, shifting them, making a space feel claimed and alive again. It’s not a manicured garden; it’s more of a living patchwork—wild in places, quiet in others, breathing around me.
Some mornings I catch the sun just right, slanting through the leaves, casting soft shadows across the patio. Sometimes there’s just the sound of the wind clipping through the palms, the low hum of the island waking up. No headlines. No rush.
Enough to remind me that peace doesn’t come from having more—it comes from creating room for what matters. Enough to remember that beginnings don’t always shout. Sometimes they whisper through the cracks and the roots and the quiet corners we make for ourselves.
And here, in this small garden, in this small beginning, I’m learning to listen again.
Starting From Here
So this is it. No rebrand. No reinvention. Just a return. A return to someone I may have known once upon a time, in flashes and fragments. A person I desire—with all my heart, all my stubborn will, and all my worn-out soul—to rediscover again. To pull forward the pieces of myself I once trusted, and to find new things still worth learning, worth fighting for. To face my fears not with shame, but with a new-found perspective carved out on the backline of midlife, where the waves are slower but heavier, where every choice feels sharper because there’s less time to waste.
I’m not looking for some dramatic arc. No reinvention worthy of headlines or hashtags. No curated story of triumph tied up in a bow. I’m looking for something simpler. I’m looking for truth—raw, unfiltered, mine alone. For health—not just in muscle or weight, but in spirit, in breath, in presence. For balance—between the hunger for more and the grace to stand still. For creativity that feels like oxygen, not obligation. For clarity strong enough to quiet the noise when the doubts come calling.
I’m looking for the version of Sam that’s been there all along— quiet beneath the stress, steady beneath the stories, stubborn beneath the scars. The version of me who didn’t quit, even when it would have been easier. The version who still knows how to trust salt air, deep water, and the messy, beautiful business of trying again.
This year, I choose to move with intention. Not to rush. Not to prove. But to build slowly, piece by piece, a life and work that reflect who I am—not who I think I should be, or who the world told me I was supposed to become. I choose to honour my body, even in its brokenness, even in its betrayals. To feed it. To listen to it. To stop punishing it for being human.
I choose to tell real stories. Stories that don’t need a filter. Stories that don’t have a clean ending yet.
I choose to live the dream I set out to chase ten years ago—even if it looks different now. Even if the edges are worn and the road is not the one I mapped out when I started.
Because it’s still my dream. Because I’m still here. Because the ocean’s still out there waiting.
This is my reset. This is my backline. This is my hand on the board, eyes on the horizon, ready for the next wave.
Try as I might, I have discovered that the art of meditation is difficult to master. That and Yoga, but that is another story! Many people have described the process as an act of conscientiously trying their best not to drift off into a 30-45 minute long sleep. While it may not sound that bad, it defeats the purpose of meditation. “Yeah I find time to take an afternoon nap, uhh I mean meditate!”
Meditation is like anything, you need focus, to take time and train the mind. A good workout will train your body and muscles to perform, while learning to meditate with mindfulness can train your mind to do all types of wondrous things. There are many different meditation techniques out there and different practices require different techniques — so just how am I going tp learn to meditate?
For the purpose of this article, we will focus on mindful meditation. Mindfulness meditation encourages you to observe the wandering thoughts drifting through your mind. The goal is to not get involved with these thoughts, nor to judge them, simply to be aware of each as they arise. All of which I do immediately every time. Sure, I focus on my breathing, slow and relaxed breath in through the nose and then slowly exhale through the mouth. Again and again, deep inhale through the nose and then slowly exhale through the mouth. With each breath feel how it moves through the body, focus on the sensations, the passage of air to and from the lungs.
Through the practice of mindfulness meditation, the thoughts and feelings inside easily move in patterns. Immediately once I am relaxed my mind will drift. The human tendency is to pass judgement, negative or positive, to view others with a critical eye. These same thoughts you hear when out in life will drift in and out while meditating. I find it difficult to let them go, to understand that when I do I can attain balance.
So where do you begin the journey of mindful meditation? You start, online, a book store, youtube or an app? There are plenty of places to learn about meditation and figuring out what works for you is the best way to have success in meditation. I am still learning this. The simplest comes from the above “The Science of Meditation”. Simple get yourself into a comfortable position, close your eyes, focus on your breath and stay there for several minutes. Just use your phone to chime when you minutes are up. There are also great resources in the app store. Look up “headspace“. They promise to get you meditating in less then 10 days. Though it never worked for me. Also, Be aware, it will cost you some money. I essentially abandoned it. Another way is to simply promise yourself 2-3 minutes everyday to start.
Here are some simple self starting meditation tips
Sit or lie comfortably while you meditate. Some have special places in their rooms or gardens.
Close your eyes to meditate. You may need a mask.
Make no effort to control the breath while you meditate; simply breathe naturally. Eventually you will focus on breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Notice the movement of your body as you breathe. Observe your chest, shoulders, rib cage, and belly. Simply focus your attention on your breath without controlling its pace or intensity. If your mind wanders, return your focus back to your breath.
Repeat 3-5 times a week gradually increasing time. A good goal is to get to 20-30 minutes while you meditate.
Of course, there is never any guarantee you will not drift off into peaceful bliss, if you do, just remember you are likely not the only one!
Continue the Journey!
Please share with me stories of your journey into meditation. Reading and listening to you will offer encouragement. I recognize I am not alone and can learn from those who have already begun to meditate more.
Okay, I know there are going to be very strong and opposing views on this. It’s a great conversation starter. I mean seriously, the obvious answer is… Well, what is it? In my opinion it is entirely subjective.
The question was first Started haunting me as I listed to and loved the song “Gimme Sympathy” by Metric. “Who’d you rather be, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones?”
So to my girlfriend at the time I posed the question. Her immediate response “The Rolling Stones”. I paused on her answer. I had expected it to be the Beatles. Not because that was my answer, but because in my mind everyone chooses the Beatles. I mean wait, what? No! Of course not all of you would. Some of you would choose the Rolling Stones.
At the time, I was confident in my answer. For me it was the Beatles. I just always remember loving their upbeat happy, sounding melodies and lyrics. When they went pure hard rock with screeching guitars like in “Helter Skelter“ or Revolution. Listening to the Beatles had always been apart of my musical history since my cousin John married his wife. In fact there are two very defining points in my musical development. The boys from my fathers pipe and drum band and my cousins 8 track collection. Yeah I said It. 8 track!
The Beatles
My Top 5 Beatles Songs
1. “Come Together”: – Released: September 1969 – Album: “Abbey Road” – Written by: John Lennon
Notable Features: This Beatles song has always been one of my favs. It features a distinctive, funky deep bass line and a memorable, cryptic lyrical style. As the opening track for the “Abbey Road” album it has grown to be one of the bands most memorable songs. Written by John Lennon it is credited to Lennon and McCartney. Come Together reached the top of the charts in the US and Australia and peaked at number 4 in the UK.
2. “Something”:
– Released: October 1969 – Album: “Abbey Road” – Written by: George Harrison
Notable Features: “Something” is a beautiful ballad and one of Harrison’s most celebrated compositions. In fact this was the song we walked down the aisle to at my one and only wedding.The song showcases Georges growth as a songwriter. The heartfelt lyrics and a memorable melody turned this song into one of the Beatles’ most popular tracks.
3. “Revolution”: – Released: August 1968 – Album: “The Beatles” (also known as “The White Album”) – Written by: John Lennon
Notable Features: “Revolution” is a politically charged rock song with a raw and aggressive sound. It exists in two versions: the slower and more introspective “Revolution 1” and the faster, more energetic “Revolution.” The song reflects Lennon’s views on social and political change. He was visionary.
4. “Here Comes the Sun”: – Released: September 1969 – Album: “Abbey Road” – Written by: George Harrison
Notable Features: “Here Comes the Sun” is a joyous and uplifting song with a catchy melody. It features Harrison’s intricate guitar work and harmonies. The song is known for its optimistic lyrics and has become one of the Beatles’ most beloved tracks.
5. “Get Back”: – Released: April 1969 – Album: Originally released as a single, later included in the “Let It Be” album – Written by: Paul McCartney (credited to Lennon-McCartney)
Notable Features: “Get Back” is a lively rock song with a catchy chorus. It has a bluesy influence and a straightforward, driving rhythm. The lyrics tell a story about Jojo, a fictional character, and the song showcases the Beatles’ energy and tight musical chemistry.
These songs represent my top 5 Beatles songs. They are a strong representation of what it was I first wanted in the music I was seeking. Their diverse songwriting styles and their ability to create timeless and memorable music that fit many different genres.
Top 5 All Time Songs
The Beatles have had numerous successful songs throughout their career, but here are five of their most widely recognized and commercially successful tracks:
1. “Hey Jude”: The song spent nine weeks at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the United States.
2. “Yesterday”: “Yesterday” is a timeless and beautifully melancholic ballad written and sung by Paul McCartney.
3. “Let It Be”: The song became an anthem for many and reached No. 1 on various charts worldwide.
4. “I Want to Hold Your Hand”: The song topped the charts in multiple countries and ignited Beatlemania in the US, propelling them to global fame.
5. “She Loves You”: The song reached No. 1 in the UK and played a crucial role in establishing the Beatles’ popularity early in their career.
These songs represent some of the Beatles’ most successful and enduring hits, showcasing their songwriting prowess, musical innovation, and cultural impact. There are many other favorites, please post in the comments some of yours. Include the link to the video please I love music that is shared.
The Rolling Stones
My Top 5 Rolling Stones Songs
1. “Wild Horses”: – Released: April 1971 – Album: “Sticky Fingers” – Written by: Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
Notable Features: “Wild Horses” is a poignant and incredibly melodic acoustical ballad. It features introspective lyrics, exploring themes of love and deep longing. The song is considered one of the Rolling Stones’ most beloved and enduring tracks. For me in particular is scream of the type of love lost when that connection was just incredibly right and maybe a little wrong at the same time.
2. “Paint It Black”: – Released: May 1966 – Album: “Aftermath” – Written by: Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
Notable Features: “Paint It Black” is a dark and dramatic song characterized by its distinctive sitar riff and driving rhythm. The lyrics convey a sense of despair and introspection. The song’s unique sound and powerful atmosphere contributed to its success.
3. “Sympathy for the Devil”: – Released: December 1968 – Album: “Beggars Banquet” = Written by: Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
Notable Features: “Sympathy for the Devil” is a provocative and bluesy rock song that features a hypnotic rhythm, strong percussion, and Jagger’s charismatic vocals. The lyrics present Satan’s perspective throughout different historical events. The song is considered one of the Rolling Stones’ signature tracks.
4. “Satisfaction”: – Released: June 1965 – Album: “Out of Our Heads” (US version) – Written by: Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
Notable Features: “Satisfaction” is one of the Rolling Stones’ most iconic and recognizable songs. It opens with one of the most famous guitar riffs in rock history. The lyrics express frustration and longing for fulfillment, capturing the spirit of the rebellious rock ‘n’ roll era.
5. “Let’s Spend the Night Together”: – Released: January 1967 – Album: “Between the Buttons” – Written by: Mick Jagger and Keith Richards
Notable Features: “Let’s Spend the Night Together” is an upbeat and energetic rock song with catchy hooks and a lively melody. The lyrics hint at a desire for a romantic intimate encounter. The song generated some controversy at the time due to its suggestive nature.
These Rolling Stones songs showcase my favorites. I definitely like the earlier Stones songs. Hear we can get an idea of band’s range, from heartfelt ballads to gritty rock and roll anthems. Each song has contributed to the Rolling Stones’ legacy and their reputation as one of the greatest rock bands of all time.
Top 5 All Time Songs
The Rolling Stones have had numerous successful songs throughout their career. Below are five of their most widely recognized and commercially successful tracks:
1. “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”: The song’s rebellious spirit and catchy chorus made it a massive hit worldwide.
2. “Paint It Black” This song reached No. 1 on the charts in various countries. It was also a feature in the into to the show China Beach.
3. “Start Me Up”: “Start Me Up” is a rock anthem characterized by its infectious guitar riff and energetic groove. The song became one of the Rolling Stones’ signature tracks
4. “Brown Sugar”: The song became a hit, reaching high positions on the charts in several countries.
5. “Angie”: “Angie” is a heartfelt and melodic ballad that displays a softer side of the Rolling Stones’ repertoire.
Few songs have the power to capture a moment, evoke emotions, or define an era quite like Tiny Dancerby Elton John. From its opening notes to its unforgettable chorus, this song is pure gold—a timeless masterpiece that holds a special place in my heart and countless others. Let’s dive into why this song is so damn good and how it has resonated with me throughout the years.
A Melody that Feels Like Home
The first notes of Elton’s piano in Tiny Dancer do something special—they set the stage for an emotional journey. It’s like being slowly wrapped in a warm blanket on a cool night; there’s a familiarity and a sense of comfort in those opening chords. Elton has always been there for me, from my mid-70s discovery of rock music through to now, and Tiny Dancer was one of those songs that just clicked instantly. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but it’s more than just notes and words; it’s a feeling.
The Power of the Lyrics
Written by Bernie Taupin, Elton’s long-time collaborator and lyrical genius, the lyrics paint a vivid picture of California in the early 70s. Taupin wrote the words inspired by his experiences and observations of life on the West Coast. And if you’ve been to Los Angeles, you can almost feel the weight of the city in lines like:
“Blue-jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band…”
It’s a song that grounds you in a place and time, yet it’s universal in the way it touches on themes of longing, nostalgia, and life’s fleeting moments. It’s both intimate and grand, personal and yet so relatable.
Holding On to What Matters
For me, there’s one line that has always stood out:
“When I say softly, slowly… hold me closer, tiny dancer.”
This line isn’t just the song’s climax; it’s a release, a moment of connection. Life can be heavy, full of sadness or darkness, but those moments of closeness and understanding are what lift you up. Tiny Dancer is about holding on to those little, intimate moments in a chaotic world, and that’s what makes it so uplifting for me. It’s a song that takes you on a journey—not just geographically to LA, but emotionally through highs and lows.
The Connection to Almost Famous
One of the most powerful modern associations with Tiny Dancer is its iconic use in the 2000 film Almost Famous. The scene where the band and their crew are on the tour bus, tense and fractured, and the entire group breaks out into a singalong of Tiny Dancer—that moment captures something profound. It’s about connection, about joy breaking through despair. That scene felt like an echo of what I’d felt all along with this song: no matter how tough things get, there’s always that chance for a moment of pure, collective joy. It’s why Tiny Dancer resonates with so many.
Craftsmanship in Music
Of course, none of this would be possible without Elton John’s signature touch on the piano. The song’s melody is a perfect blend of melancholy and euphoria. You can hear a contrast between the verses and the chorus that mirrors the way life swings between darkness and light. It’s almost as if the music itself understands the complexity of emotions we all go through. Elton’s piano work here is less showy than some of his other hits but more evocative, letting the melody and lyrics carry you.
And let’s not forget the arrangements. The addition of strings, that subtle buildup, and Elton’s vocal delivery—there’s a synergy in the way these elements come together. It’s one of those songs that, for me, always hits the mark.
Gratitude in the Moment
Listening to Tiny Dancer, I’m reminded to be grateful. Grateful for the connections in my life, for the moments of happiness that break through the routine, and for the songs that serve as the soundtrack to those moments. Life is full of ups and downs, and Tiny Dancer is a reminder to savor what’s good when you find it.
A Timeless Journey
Whether you’ve been a fan of Elton John since the 70s or you’re just discovering him now, Tiny Dancer is one of those songs that takes you somewhere. For me, it’s a journey that’s uplifting, a reminder that there’s joy in the little things if you hold them close enough. The song’s craft, its context, and its enduring message of hope and connection make it a classic. It’s not just a piece of music; it’s an experience.
Do you have a song or songs that leave you feeling really good every time you hear them, no matter what is going on?
The spring of 2002 marked a pivotal moment in my life and career. I had just walked away from my position as an email manager at Webkrew, a decision fueled by their spamming policies. Back then, email marketing was seen as an easy way to blast out offers and promotions to anyone and everyone, but it felt completely unethical to me. I wanted to build meaningful connections, not throw content at the wall to see what stuck. It was a bold move, and I didn’t have a clear plan for what would come next—but I knew I couldn’t stay in that environment.
At the same time, I was juggling a side hustle with an affiliate marketing company that worked with online entertainment platforms, specifically dating and gaming sites. This gig allowed me to build an email system that was successful because it focused on the opposite of spamming—delivering valuable, engaging content. It also gave me the opportunity to develop my creativity, practice product planning, and expand my skill set as an emerging online professional.
Work wasn’t the whole story. Around that time, I threw myself into a passion project called SlidingGlass.com. The name came to me effortlessly—it felt like a perfect reflection of my love for water, surfing, wakeboarding, and the newfound freedom I discovered on my first Sea-Doo. I had recently bought it on a whim, and it quickly became more than just a toy; it was my escape, my clarity.
One day, after spending hours skimming across the lake’s surface, I found myself riding back alone, the hum of the motor blending with my thoughts. Somewhere between the waves and the shoreline, I made a life-changing decision—I was going to quit my manager’s job. That moment was pure exhilaration, like gliding across the water with nothing but endless possibilities ahead. Whether I was carving through the Great Lakes or dreaming of the open ocean far from Toronto, every ride reminded me of the freedom I was chasing. SlidingGlass became a symbol of that feeling—movement, excitement, and an endless horizon.
Even though I was landlocked in the Great Lakes region, sliding glass became a metaphor for how I wanted to live: with clarity, motion, and a sense of possibility. It was during these rides that I started dreaming about what my life and career could look like if I took full control. The idea of working on my own terms, doing something I loved, made me shiver with excitement.
The Wild West and the Birth of ShiverMedia
The internet in 2002 was what I like to call the Wild West. Everything was new, unregulated, and full of potential. It was also full of risk—just like the new business I was imagining. As I considered taking the leap into full-time entrepreneurship, I felt a mix of excitement and fear. What if I failed? What if I couldn’t pay my bills? What if I wasn’t good enough?
The naming process for my business became a way to work through those doubts. I knew I wanted “Media” in the name—after all, that’s the space I’d been working in for years. But I needed a word that captured not just what I did, but who I was and what this endeavor would mean for me. Without screaming it in an obvious way.
Around that time, I was obsessed with Coldplay’s Parachutes album. I had it on repeat, and the song Shiver stood out as a personal anthem. The lyrics spoke to me on so many levels:
“Don’t you shiver, shiver / Sing it loud and clear / I’ll always be waiting for you.”
The song wasn’t just about love—it was about longing, passion, and chasing something that felt just out of reach. It reminded me of the thrill I felt riding my Sea-Doo, the clarity I sought in my life, and the dreams I was starting to embrace as I firmly implanted myself in my 30s. I was living more authentically than ever before—falling in love, taking risks, and trying to create a career and life that reflected my true self.
The word “shiver” stuck with me. It wasn’t just a feeling; it was a promise. A reminder to chase those moments when everything aligns, when the universe seems to say, This is it. Keep going.
And so, ShiverMedia was born.
The Challenges of Building ShiverMedia
Starting a business from scratch was exhilarating, but it was also terrifying. I didn’t have a safety net, and every decision felt like it could make or break me. Back then, freelancing wasn’t as mainstream as it is today, and working remotely was still seen as unconventional. People didn’t always take me seriously, and I had to constantly prove that I could deliver results.
The early years were full of trial and error. I took on projects that didn’t align with my vision, simply because I needed the income. I worked long hours, often sacrificing weekends and personal time to meet deadlines. There were moments when I doubted whether I could make it work.
But there were also wins. SlidingGlass.com, my passion project, wasn’t just a dream—it was growing and gaining recognition. What began as a personal escape on the water evolved into something much bigger. I assembled a team of riders, each of us pushing boundaries and representing the spirit of freedom that defined the project. We covered events, created content, and started to build real partnerships with brands. I worked on deals, designed event experiences, and even crafted websites like Rock the Wake, long before the world knew what it meant to “create content” for an online audience. Every ride, every event we captured, added another layer to the business, building credibility and a sense of community.
Alongside this, my freelance work was thriving. Each successful campaign and every satisfied client reinforced the idea that I was on the right path. ShiverMedia wasn’t just a business—it was an extension of who I was. It became a creative outlet, a chance to shape my career around the values I believed in: freedom, authenticity, and the joy of building something from scratch. It was my ticket to more than just financial stability; it was a chance to live on my own terms, chase my passions, and constantly push myself to grow.
Over 20 Years of ShiverMedia
Fast forward two decades, and ShiverMedia has remained a constant in my life, serving as the foundation for countless projects and milestones. It’s powered everything from email marketing campaigns to creative design work, and has played a key role in some pivotal projects. I developed an affiliate program for various partners, worked on the Rock the Wake website, and helped build brands like Sunrise Records and BrassVixens Fitness. I also contributed to Double Click Marketing, which was my first gig after moving to Los Angeles. That was a turning point after a low period when I closed SlidingGlass due to the 2007 economic downturn and a personal relationship loss. LaHaBnB.com is another project I worked on, focusing on creating platforms for small businesses and teams to thrive.
ShiverMedia allowed me to work remotely from places like Sauble Beach, Los Angeles, and now from my temporary home on a tropical island in Mexico. It’s not just been a business—it’s been the freedom to create, explore, and live life on my own terms, wherever I choose.
But it hasn’t always been smooth sailing. There’s been heartache, setbacks, and countless challenges along the way. Partners fell through, contracts fell apart, and I’ve often had to navigate the frustration of contract workers failing to deliver on promises. I’ve juggled periods of displacement, shifting between full-time roles and freelance gigs, never knowing where the next paycheck was coming from. All while trying to balance a relentless pace—work hard, play harder—only to sometimes feel like I was barely keeping my head above water.
The industry itself has transformed drastically since the early 2000s, and staying relevant has meant constantly adapting to new technologies, shifting strategies, and finding ways to stand out in an overcrowded market. It hasn’t always been easy, but through it all, I’ve learned and grown. I’ve honed my skills in the ever-evolving digital landscape, adding new tools to my belt and adapting to challenges, learning from every mistake, and finding new ways to keep pushing forward.
There have been moments of burnout, times when I questioned whether I still had the energy to keep going. But every time I’ve hit a low point, I’ve come back to the name—ShiverMedia—and what it stands for. It’s a reminder of why I started, of the passion that fuels me, and of the promise I made to myself all those years ago.
The Coldplay Connection
The lyrics of Shiver still resonate with me today, just as they did when I first heard them. The line, “I’ll always be waiting for you,” feels like a message from my younger self—a reminder to keep chasing what matters, even when the path isn’t clear. It’s like a whisper to never give up on what I truly want, even in the face of challenges or uncertainty. That line has become a mantra, pushing me forward when things get tough.
The message from my younger self has always been about returning to my path, no matter how evolving or cumbersome it becomes. It’s about remembering the core reason I started this journey in the first place—to have control over my own income, to produce work that reflects my skills, my creativity, and the growth I’ve gone through over the years. And as much as it’s been a rocky road—partners falling through, projects going sideways, and the pressures of constantly shifting markets—it’s also been incredibly empowering to know that the work I do is mine to shape. The mentors I’ve had along the way, the lessons I’ve learned, and the skills I’ve developed have all fed into creating something that’s truly mine. This isn’t just about the work—it’s about crafting a life, one that’s authentic and under my control, one that allows me to keep evolving as I grow into who I’m meant to be.
And the song itself, with its raw energy and vulnerability, mirrors the journey of building ShiverMedia. It’s about putting yourself out there, taking risks, and trusting that the effort will be worth it.
The Legacy of ShiverMedia
Looking back, ShiverMedia has been both a positive and challenging force in my life. It’s given me the freedom to live authentically, the opportunity to create meaningful work, and the ability to connect with clients and collaborators around the world.
At the same time, it’s pushed me to grow in ways I didn’t expect. It’s forced me to confront my fears, adapt to change, and persevere through setbacks.
Through it all, I’ve learned that the shiver—the thrill of chasing something bigger than yourself—is what makes it all worthwhile. It’s the feeling I had when I launched SlidingGlass.com, when I named ShiverMedia, and when I took that first ride on my Sea-Doo. It’s the feeling that keeps me moving forward, no matter what.
Because in the end, ShiverMedia isn’t just a business. It’s a reflection of who I am, what I love, and the dreams I’ll always be chasing.
Ok, I am debating adding Coldplay to my top 5 favourite all time bands, except there is a section of Coldplays library that is a huge blank for me. Sounds and beats I could not gel with or felt nothing for. And yet… The amount of joy the songs I do like bring me is completely immeasurable. They backtrack through different periods of my life.
So what is it that attracts me to the parts of Coldplays library that so moves me? Well first of all, like with Brandon Boyd, when I hear Chris Martins lyrics, they so resonate with me. Poetry, words and music that moves you in motion fluid with sound. It is the piano, the rhythm and the tempo that get my feet moving, my hands up in the air with a smile on my face that is alive with the energy of the song. That to me is music. Even if I get the lyrics wrong, as often I will when singing aloud. I want to be moved by the music.
So let’s get to it.
5.CLOCKS
Clocks struck me from the first chords, the melody of the piano alone setting the tone of whats to come. When the rest of the instruments commence the energy is lifted up again. You can feel the full vibe. And then the lyrics;
“The lights go out and I can’t be saved. Tides that I tried to swim against”
— ColdPlay – Clocks
One of the most prominent reasons for my love of Coldplay , as stated earlier is the lyrics. They follow the worlds with the melody. You can hear the feeling behind the words, even if they appear to not make sense in a small section like above, combined they paint a picture. This will likely be a theme behind many of the songs I have chosen for this list. Chris Martin makes the words stand out with his ethereal high and low changing vocal notes. His calling out “Ahhhhhhh, Ohhhhohhhohhhohh ohhhh” highlights this.
The next reason i love this song is the melody of the piano. The chords leading the other instruments through the story. One thng I can say is Coldplay is not the first and only band I have been drawn to because it included a piano melody. Ben Folds Five, Billy Joel and Elton John to name a few. Surprisingly it was not Elton who I was first drawn to, it was the piano man himself Billy Joel, Glass Houses was the album.
I mentioned the energy. It is not just the words being sung with Chris’ distinct voice combined with the piano. Coldplay manage to make this otherwise pleading love song into a crashing high crescendo love song about time. It rises and falls as time changes until finally we know.. home is where the story teller longs to be.
4.SPEED OF SOUND
Again it is a piano intro and then the lyrics with the rhythm of the base and drums setting the backdrop to the vocals. This forray of lyrics that I feel are a guided self journey. Words that ask questions, point to what you can see. We focus all the time on the speed of light, yet sound surrounds us all the time and hear it is asking us to look at thoughts that go by at the speed of sound.
To me it is the bass and the rhythm section that drives this song through the verses and the chorus. Which of course builds into these great vibrant crescendos of sound. Appropriate as the song is about sound and how our thoughts can move as fast as it does. There is also heartbreak, a feeling in the first verse that I know all too well! Lyrics are an important part of the way a song flows.
A theme I find through many of these songs is the energy and how they just get you up on your feet dancing around and really enjoying the music.
“All those signs, I knew what they meant. Some things you can invent! And some get made, and some get sent”
— ColdPlay – Speed of Sound
3. TROUBLE
There is a slow painfulness in this song. A person who is looking at what is happening in their life and figuring out that perhaps they have stepped into it. Starting again with the solo piano melody, Trouble is a song that is about asking forgiveness through recognition of your place in a story and its outcome. There is a brutal honesty in the chorus, when we hear, that the trouble, the harm was not intended.
The song is slow, it spins the yarn in a slow meaningful way that allows you to hear the drums, a slow jazzy sound, the piano accenting the words and phrases, that places emotions right there at the forefront. Right from the start with the piano intro you can feel the tone of the song. This is consistent with a lot of the songs here. The first stanzas of music are driving the mood and feelings of the songs.
I loved to play this song over and over again, listening to the words and the feelings they evoked. It really resonated, not in the sense that I had done something wrong and was tangled up in a drama. No, more in the way that with the lyrics above, loving someone was oftem my downfall and I felt that often that love was trouble and I wanted forgiveness for the feeling. Coldplay Therapy!
“And I, I never meant to cause you trouble. And I, I never meant to do you wrong. And I, well if I ever caused you trouble. Oh no, I never meant to do you harm”
— COLDPLAY – TROUBLE
2. Adventure of a Lifetime
The energy of this song just get me up onto my feet and moving. I love Coldplay as a dance music rock band. The intro while not a piano is an electric guitar with a little synth to it. To really appreciate the song, I feel it is almost as important to the experience of listening as it it to watch. So before I go further into the music and melody of the song with the lyrics, let’s drop the video.
“And if we’ve only got this life, And this adventure, oh then I, Wanna share it with you! With you, with you, Sing it, oh, say yeah”
— COLDPLAY – ADVENTURE OF A LIFETIME
The songs asks the listener to turn their magic up. Something I feel I don’t believe in anymore and then I hear the energy and feeling of this song. The way it floats with happy feet fun. I am always drawn to the lyrics in the song and how they really mesh with the energy of the music to create the emotion of feeling that I get inside. From the moment this song came out, I recall getting my niece to watch the video with me and make the moves like the monkeys.
I think that is something I really like about Chris Martins lyrics in this song, you can feel and hear the adventure of the lifetime. Like in other songs, you really feel what he is conveying. There is imagination, a sense of whimsy and a colourful painted picture of life when music and dance can be discovered. It is happiness and joy.
1. SHIVER
Here is a fun fact. I manage a digital marketing agency called ShiverMedia. I registered the name in 2002 the reason I chose Shiver is because of the song that holds my number one spot. It is absolutely one of my all time favourite songs. From the moment I first heard it until today. I absolutely love everything about this song.
Often when I hear a song it resonate for a woman I am interested in. It is easy to apply the feelings evoked in a song vicariously to a situation or circumstance in your own life. With me that is so very true. Always music was an outlet for me.
So Shiver starts not with a piano, in fact t is a melody of raw guitar notes overlayed with the strumming of a good old fashioned acoustic guitar. Its fast and almost 50s rock-a-billy sounding in the chords of the electric guitar. The song rises and falls to the feelings of the words. The pleading of the person saying he knows he is unseen, unwanted, but it matters not, the heart wants what it wants. and the cries out, seemingly in vain, to wait. Waiting on love is hard. Often it never comes and that pain is evident.
This song is not a dance song. It is a pure rock song and that is the diversity of the music Coldplay writes. Also why this song reaches the number one spot. The pain of unrequited love, the quitars and the drums the rises and the slower parts. Good well written rock and roll!
“So you know how much I need you, But you never even see me do you? And is this my final chance of getting you?”
First let’s begin with 1984 …. THEN These were what I would say were songs I remember making a HUGE mark on who I was. I immediately loved guitar driven rock ballads. I was young and full of passion and music found its way to viariously describe feelings and moments I could not find the words to do so alone.
L.A. Woman, The Doors Released: April 1971 Writing Credits: Jim Morrison, Ray Manzarek, Robby Krieger, John Densmore Label: Elektra Records
I’ve always had a soft spot for Jim Morrison and The Doors, especially their iconic track “L.A. Woman.” From the moment the bluesy guitar riff kicks in, it’s like being transported to the streets of Los Angeles, where the city’s pulse beats in rhythm with the music.
Despite living in LA for almost a decade, the allure of the city has somewhat faded over time. Yet, every time I hear “L.A. Woman,” it’s like rediscovering the magic of the city all over again. It’s a reminder of why I fell in love with LA in the first place and a testament to the enduring power of music to evoke emotion and stir the soul.
I named my family dog Mrs Mojo Rising or Mojo for short.
Thank You, Led Zeppelin Released: October 1969 Writing Credits: Jimmy Page, Robert Plant Label: Atlantic Records
“Thank You,” nestled within Led Zeppelin’s second album, is a cherished gem that has etched itself into the fabric of my being. Its ballad style, adorned with the signature grit of Jimmy Page’s guitars and Robert Plant’s soul-stirring vocals, struck a chord within me during my formative years.
What truly sets “Thank You” apart is its lyrical depth and emotional resonance. Plant’s heartfelt lyrics express gratitude and longing in equal measure, creating a sense of intimacy that transcends time and space.
3. Live Wire, Mötley Crüe Released: January 1982 Writing Credits: Nikki Sixx, Vince Neil Label: Leathür Records
“Live Wire” by Mötley Crüe is the epitome of unadulterated metal energy, pulsating with relentless speed and power. Featuring lightning-fast guitar riffs and Vince Neil’s gritty, electrifying vocals, the track delivers an adrenaline-fueled punch that leaves listeners exhilarated.
And let’s not forget the iconic cowbell, adding an extra layer of intensity to this headbanger’s anthem.
But beneath the surface of its raw energy, “Live Wire” also boasts a level of musicianship and craftsmanship that is often overlooked in the metal genre. From the precision of Tommy Lee’s drumming to the intricate interplay between the guitars and bass, every element of the song is meticulously crafted to create a wall of sound that is as powerful as it is infectious.
4. Foolin’, Def Leppard Released: July 1983 Writing Credits: Joe Elliott, Rick Savage, Steve Clark Label: Vertigo Records
From the seminal album “Pyromania,” Def Leppard’s “Foolin’” emerges as a prime example of the band’s unique fusion of melodic sensibility and hard-hitting rock.
This power ballad epitomizes their distinctive style, blending narrative-driven lyrics with energetic guitar riffs. As the track unfolds, it takes us on a captivating journey through the highs and lows of love and life, all underscored by the band’s signature sound.
I always was a sucker for a good power ballad.
Watch for my list of top power ballads coming soon
5. You Think You’re Tough – Ratt Released: 1983 Writing Credits: Stephen Pearcy, Robbin Crosby, Warren DeMartini, Juan Croucier Label: Atlantic Records
Emerging amidst the vibrant melodic metal scene of the early ’80s, Ratt swiftly claimed a spot as one of my personal favorites with their release “You Think You’re Tough.”
This track embodies the quintessential elements of the genrethat I love. Things like infectious hooks, anthemic chorus, and driving guitar riffs that instantly captivated my youthful spirit. I absolutely love how Warren DeMartini plays guitar. And in this song well… It’s a song that resonates with the rebellious energy of the era, fueling my passion for the electrifying sound of classic metal.
As I listen, I’m transported back to those exhilarating days of my youth, where the music was loud, the energy was high, and the Ratt and Roll was blaring in my sony walkman!
Let’s sum it all up!
In ’84, Ratt shot up to the top of my favorites list with their infectious hooks and driving guitar riffs, capturing the essence of the emerging melodic metal scene. Def Leppard’s melodic yet hard-hitting style, especially in tracks like “Foolin’,” resonated deeply with me for their ability to blend storytelling lyrics with energetic instrumentals. The Doors’ timeless classic “L.A. Woman” remained a constant favorite, reminding me of the allure of Los Angeles despite its fading glamour over time. Led Zeppelin’s soulful resonance in “Thank You” and Mötley Crüe’s raw energy in “Live Wire” rounded out my top bands, each offering a unique sound that spoke to me on a personal level
Tattooing my body has always been about the story! About the things that were happening for me in my life at the time I sat down in the chair. I mean it is art right most great pieces should have a story! Well I have thought so since recklessly deciding to make my first piece a purple butterfly on my ankle. Almost as tragic as the 80’s trend to get the rose on the cleavage. Close, but not quite.
My Very First Tattoo
So the story starts with a few of us from high school who had decided that we were going to watch one friend get her first tattoo. The shop was located down in what is now known as the West Queen West area. I believe the artists name was Tobi. She was maybe about 10 yrs older than we were at the time. She had also inked up many of our favourite hair metal heroes on their travels through Toronto!!! The walls of her shop were adorned with the gratitude and autographs from the likes of Nikki Sixx, Sebastian Bach, Rachel Bolan and so many more etc.
We ventured down there because our friend Kate had decided it was time to get her first piece. I would then be the only one without and to be honest was not yet sold on the idea. At the shop, the walls adorned with flash from cute little birds and animals to hard core sailor Jerry as well as custom work. Kate selected a yellowish orange butterfly. She seemed pensive to sit in the chair, asking if anyone else was going to get one so she could watch first. It was I who stepped up.
Scanning the wall feeling the pressure not to get a rose on my chest like others before me, I took out my last $60.00 bucks and selected a purple butterfly! Yep, it was small within my budget and 100% spontaneous. (All the best things in life are). Not intending to get a tattoo, I blew my hard earned beer money on a tattoo I never wanted. But it left me wanting more.
I must have imagined it would be more painful. A needle rapidly going in and out of your flesh like that. (I am crazy afraid of needles – don’t ask)However, I was in the chair, the gun was running, her halfway through the outline when I finally asked when she was going to get started anytime soon. From that point forward tattoos have been relaxing and easy for me! Almost meditative. Like I go into a zen zone and just let the artist do their work.
Sure there are pinches and ouches now and then but it also really depends on the artist. There are those I have experienced who just drill the ink into your flesh. Tobi was really good at her craft, easy and gentle. Maybe because the whole time we were there she would take breaks in the back to do a few bumps. Several years later we heard she died of an overdose. RIP Tobi, thank you for the story of my first tattoo!!
Early on looking at this butterfly I began to see something different, a purple rabbit… like from the Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole. This rabbit sits in an old organic antique chair! I often ponder if there really is a rabbit or if I make it up. Often others miss the rabbit, few see it. I still tell the story of what I see.
The Last Flash Piece
Years would pass before I would venture into a tattooo shop for my second piece. This one would also be the last time I picked a piece from the flash on the shop wall. Though I still browse the books when they are present. books! While this is the only other tattoo on my body I did not conceptualize and draw myself, it still had important meaning to myself. So here goes the story.
One night while out at a club with friends one of the group members suggested she catch a ride home with me. Little did I know it would commence a sexual entanglement that would last several months and basically not leaving me feeling anything good about myself. I felt weak.
She was part of our group of friends. The first night it happened we were all out dancing on a Friday night at Buddies and Bad Times Theatre on Alexander. My Jeep was parked across the street and when I left she was catching the express. The next night at a party, before the woman arrived I was hearing tales of the night before. I was so embarrassed. Yet, we continued to hookup until it got complicated. She started living with me as a room mate but we would still hook up, even when she had a new girlfriend. I knew I needed to be peace out.
One night while walking home with my best mate on Queen West, we passed by the local ink shop and I felt the pull. Something needed to go on my body, immediately. We walked through the doors and a symbol from the wall called to me. I had picked the kanji symbol for strength… so I got the symbol. I was also able to ask her to leave and reclaim my space!!
The Tribal Trend
Everyone who was getting ink in the late 90s early 2000s were getting tribal armbands or leg piece. Either way, I swear it was like the rose on the chest in the 80’s. Not on trend with the rose, I was complete opposite with tribal work. I wanted an armband so bad, but I wanted to draw it myself. The next tattoo was designed long before it became a part of the hieroglyphs of my life’s story. I could draw, why was I relying on others to create artwork for me. I really wanted something that was my own. The design evolved over several intoxicated adventures with a heartache companion whom I was strangely connected/attracted to. We never were involved, over the years our antics and adventures were often raw vulnerable and troublesome. Far too often I was willing to blur the lines of my own integrity.
During our time in heartbreak together, her partner and my partner, the four of us closely entwined, left us in the midst of some crazy drama created by a 3rd party who wanted to date both our partners. Alone together, after the bars, she would often lay naked in the bed we shared while I used my art pens to draw designs across her curves. Later, somewhat more sober, I would recreate the drawings in my sketchbook. She ended up getting one done on her body during this period. It was beautiful. I wish I had a picture of it. It would be several years after the Kanji tattoo before I would get the tribal armband.
The design itself is pretty simplistic. I clean tribal design that is met in the centre with a stylized Pisces symbol capped by the moon. I have always felt the pull of the moon in my life. Especially being a water sign. The way the tides change during a full moon, how the world seems to pull just slightly off kilter for me during the full moon phase. If there ever was a a person more prone to be a Pisces, I would say it is me, but that bodes the question, what came first the person or the pisces.
It took me much longer to get the tribal armband I designed during those dark periods. See back then I was always a pay check to pay check guy. I did not really work that hard, just enough to skate by, instead I was focused on playing hard. A few years later, when the haze cleared, I had some disposable income and encouraged by my ex wife, on one of our first dates together, I got this armband done down on Church Street at a shop called Passage.
Getting a Tattoo Is Cathartic
No new tattoos occurred until a few months after my marriage ended and I connected with the same woman from the tribal band and her then new partner who was training to be a tattoo artist. I drove 3 hours in the direction of Sauble Beach to get the words Rock and Roll tattoo’ed across my back between my shoulders and a star on my left shoulder.
I know I wanted the ink I wanted to feel the sting of the tattoo gun pressing the ink into my flesh. I wanted to do something that was completely 180 degrees from the last 4 years married to Melanie. I had a desire to remember who I was and be authentic to myself. I also new sitting under the gun, letting the ink pierce into my skin, adding another glyph would help me heal. In many ways in that moment I was creating a right of passage that I would carry into the future honouring many relationships and family connections.
I chose to put rock and roll across my back because I love Rock ‘N Roll!! Sure, I have listened to other music, but I always come back to that good ol’ rock and roll! From the moment I was first introduced to music I gravitated towards to big energy of rock. My first album was Billy Joel’s Glass Houses and Genesis’ Misunderstanding. From the guys in my Dad’s pipe and drum band introducing me to Q107 Rock to discovering the hair metal of the 80s grunge of the 90s and so on. I often felt out of place in the queer community as I felt I was a lone rocker.
Music has always woven a vicarious path through my emotional being. My stories have songs and the songs words have meaning to my life or what I felt. It’s not always obvious, not always written in the stars. Which slides right into the star, now hidden by the family crest I designed. I wanted to say to myself that I was my own rock star. Despite the heartache despite the pain, I shone brightly in the sky. My life went on to be so much different than what my ex and I had planned. It was for the better.
The LA Ink
In the summer of 2007 I moved to LA after a few months of debauchery in Port Elgin with the same friend from the Rock and Roll ink. Getting to LA was a struggle. I was given two weeks or the job would be gone. That time line may have been more self imposed than a hardline, but I was slipping down a dangerous slope and I wanted a change. Actually I needed a change. If it did not come I would surely break. I was getting into trouble going to strip clubs and doing drugs.
So when that call came I did everything to get myself there, including selling my Cherokee and nearly all my possessions to go and start new in Los Angeles at Double Click Marketing. I am still friends on Facebook to that former employer. I don’t know if she realizes her role in rescuing me from going further down the rabbit hole, but Thank you!
During this time I started to redesign the star on my shoulder. It was empty and I wanted to fill it with something that represented who I was in that moment. Something that told my story in a way I understood. First and foremost I was Gardner and Marilyn Bell’s first born. The child they wanted for 11 years before I came to be. Shortly after learning she was pregnant, my grandfather passed away and it is said I was his legacy. Its funny because my brother was the spitting image of this man.
First in the heart of the piece is the “ying yang” symbol. I am forever that Pisces swimming in different directions constantly at odds with my own internal compass. The light and the dark, the mystic and the scientist. Chaotic but good! That is encompassed by a star because well, I am after all always that rock star in my own universe. I have to be. Now I strive to also be that star in my nieces eyes. The star is spilling with waves from the ocean. I am always and will forever be connected to the water, to the ocean to the waves. A Canadian surf board for my mother. A “tartan” (they never understood there) surf board for my father and his Scottish roots.
The total tattoo as I mentioned represents who I am. It represents my duplicity, the kind gentle empath and that darker guy who emerges every so often to throw my life into chaos. The Pisces soul swimming in both directions. grounded by the best of life around me. Opposites and yet the same. While I may seem an open book, I assure you there is more that lurks just beneath the surface. the ocean is often deeper than we first realize.
A woman I was spending time with when I first moved to LA took me to this shop in Venice Beach. It was so fitting. I mean one of the reasons I loved California and Los Angeles was for Venice Beach and the meaning I got from learning about Jim Morrison and the Doors. I spent a great deal of time over the years in the Venice Beach area.
Over the next several years I would draw up ideas with the perfect places to put the pieces. During this time I started a type of “ship” not a relationship… not a friendship… maybe a cruise ship. I dont know but it was intense. We met shortly after her 21st birthday and carried on and off through the next 5 yrs or so. Our time together embodied the ideologies around sex drugs and rock and roll.
During the first iteration of our “ship” we would hang out late in my room, in the shared house I lived in, on some substance, listening to music, bumping or tripping and well… we totally connected intensely on a physical level. It was during these nights we started planning some tattoos. One was a huge piece we put on her back. Specifically driving to San Fransisco to get it her branded by an artist in the Castro at the time.
The next piece to be added to my body also derived from our intoxicated nights together. She was always a little jaded! And I was never really open. Neither of us really knew throughout our experience whether we were being truthful or just lying to the other. My truth is there was lost of truth amongst the sprinkling of lies. But even then, does truth lie? It was a game we played with each other, for fun, for intensity, for trouble.
We conceived this idea together in those late nights. We were to both get “Truth Lies” the idea is we have truth we have lies and often the truth lies. We were fucked up on something at the time. That I do remember!
The Shop on Burbank
I ended up getting the tattoo a few years later after we both partnered up with other people and fell outta each others orbit for a while. I went to a shop I saw on Burbank in the Valley. I gave the young artist my drawing and he completely changed it. I was way too shy to speak up. It so looks like shit. I let him put it on my body and well today when you see it, this guys inexperience shows.
My next 2 pieces would also be done in this same shop. Not by the same artist. No, the owner would be the guy to give me my next two pieces. He does incredible work. I am not sure he is still working there, or tattooing however, his work was light and stayed in with little bleed. I love that kind of work. He also provided a discount after seeing the shoddy work of the “truth/lies” .
The first piece he did I drew while processing a breakup and listening to Incubus. Often I processed heartache with a song. Im this relationship my entire view on people changed. Specifically within myself and the confines of this specific relationships. The woman helped me understand I needed to stop dating women who were emotionally troubled and significantly younger then I was. Why it was important for me to find women who I were more mature and wiser, someone who was my equal. In this instance the woman was an alcoholic, prone to verbal abuse and anger management issues. Little did I know she was also wanted from the law and would end up in jail shortly after we broke up. I was so glad to be out of that relationship.
Me And My Burdened Black Heart
The day I scheduled the piece to be done, I was also processing something that was happening in the week leading up to that day. My mother had become suddenly ill and on Father’s day was taken to Humber Hospital after having trouble breathing. She was admitted and thus began a series of tests and conversations that were going nowhere good fast!. By the morning of my tattoo my mother was to be removed from life support. In a matter of a week I had gone from the weekly calls with her to saying goodbye.
I still remember our last conversation as if I had it with her yesterday. It’s funny how these things stay with you. I will also never ever forget the friendship I experienced that day up at Neptune’s Net. Thank You Gina! Words wil never express the importance of your friendship that day and everyday since!
The design of this tattoo was about love. About how love has many forms and the heart often can influence how love unfolds. Inspired by the song “Black Heart Inertia” by Incubus. It just resonated how I felt about the heart and love in that moment. Especially the line “me and my burdened black heart“ which in my tattoo sits between an anatomically correct heart. The heart that gives life. From the connection of my mother and father sprung life and this heart keeps beating.
On one side the devil’s wing, on the other side is the angel’s wing. Again the symbolism of opposition. The ying and the yang. Pisces! The transition from the life giving heart to the dark heart. It likens to the words “my black heart pollutes me” central to who I am when it comes to love. Then the transition to the cartoon heart of romance. “You’re a mountain I would like to climb, not to conquer but to share in the view”, it’s all how outlooks and how perspectives can change. How we move forward and survive. Through the music. I added the scroll to represent the loss of my mother… Without you! The love of your mother, the life giver.. that loss.
The second was done again at the shop on Burbank in the Valley. I went with my sister and niece. My sister was getting something to commemorate her and Madisen and I was getting a Samaon styled tribal cuff. This design I had drawn up after seeing some ink on some Samoan friends in Palm Springs area. I began researching meanings and designs and came up with this for my cuff.. To this day it is one of my most favourite pieces of work.
The design features the arrows of a spear, diamond shapes linked together to create the heart of the band. There is some shading in the diamonds as well as around them to create depth. The spear is a symbol of protection, The entire design is encased in waves from the water. The upper waves flowing to the right and a lower wave to the left.
You will notice there a lot of symbolism in my pieces ink. As I believe the ink must tell my story and represent who I am. The symbols of water and of the duality within myself and in life. We are not always running in harmony with ourselves or the universe and it is important to recognize this. I love bringing symbolism into the drawings I do. Even if ever so subtle. Not every message or lesson has to be glaring or in your face. Like that beautiful curve on a woman that runs from the small of her back gently falling over her hips and over the curve of her ass then down to her thigh! One of the sexiest spots on a woman, but that is another story!
When I was there in the chair getting this piece done. I had time to reflect on these symbols and what it meant to me to tell my story this way. What it may mean to the many people who get inked up. As I have said, our bodies are our own personal canvas and we shoudl be choosing the designs that truly fit who we are. That tell a part of our story. Like how parents will get their childrens names, or animals
The Island Ink
Once again, there is a long break between the ink above and the next pieces I will get. Notice this is a trend. I get tattooed like I have relationships. Good stuff when its on but lots of time in between. In 2012 I moved back to Toronto from LA for a few years before life yet again took me elsewhere. This time to Isla Mujeres, Mexico in late 2015. My boy Jackson, the incredible yellow Lab I got with my ex wife in 2002 passed away in February of 2016. A few months before that I got an apartment on ISla Mujeres! For those 14 yrs that dog was my absolute best friend. No matter how many women came and went, no matter where my travels took me, whether long road trips or flights across countries., that brave and trusted old friend was there. He was always a great listener. I can recall with a deep fondness thinking when my ex wife picked him out… this guy is not the dog, he is hiding under the table ad there are all these rompers at my feet. Nope she wanted the guy hiding under the table.
As much as we picked him together, that dog right from the start was all mine. We had a bond that transcended space and time. A companion by my side from that moment through a huge break up, a move to and back from Los Angels. Jackson was my best mate ever, We shared meals, a friendship and so much love! I will never forget that by and have his full name in my personal History tays are!
Jackson of Longmourn
The Duggos! Jacksonian institute of dogology! My boy!!! Jax! August 10th 2002 – feb 26 2016. What a long and fantastic ride it was my friend!!! Thank you for your gentle eyes and kind soul!!! I will cherish our memories and our friendship for all my days to come! I have still not been able to let another puppy into my heart as you were. Forever you are on my arm.
The Whale Shark
Later that first summer, my OG friend Shannon and her daughter Taryn came to visit Isla and we went on a whale shark tour. I was absolutely changed after this experience. I have this profound love of sharks and the depths of the ocean and life that lives there. The bellena tiburon or the whale sharkis absolutely magical. When you live or visit Mexico during the summer moths from June through September, there are ample opportunities to see these creatures up close in the open ocean. They migrate to the area in the summer months specifically during the full moon. Boats leave from the island daily and take you out 20kms to where they are feeding! They are just magnificent!
Three New Tattoos
In the last year I have adorned my body with 3 new tattoos. The first is a replica of a curated piece my ex requested for her previous apartment here on Isla. The specific request was, 2 crows in top hats resting on a skull that is in a bird nest. I nailed it and we got a print made of it at the Costco in Cancun. She hung it in different places around her place. I have never really seen my own artwork on anyone other then my own wall before.
I recall I would look at the drawing and think, “WOW what a great piece of black and white ink!” As she knew my body consisted of other pieces from my past, memories of women and people in my life, she once asked what piece of ink I would add to my arm should we break up! Funny, I should have thought on that more at the time. She always expected to break up permanently. I always hoped for happily ever after.
The second piece is one again drawn for the same ex.This one she specifically wanted drawn as a tattoo. Incorporate her favorite flower, the peonies, a world compass only the slightest hint of color. She loved the drawing but promised her mother to never get another piece of ink.
Anyways, I changed a few things. First I removed the color, added the coordinates of where we met to the compass.
I chose these two pieces because they were both were special requests from her, thus they were meaningful to the relationship. I feel the peony/compass symbolizes the relationship over the skull and crows. Don’t get me wrong, both are a part of the story, and her. However the peony just is more her.
It is funny, I knew she would never get the tattoo, despite how much time and effort I put into it. Even when I finished she loved it and the location on her body it best fit. Yet I just knew she could never get another tattoo after a promise she would not break. Thanks for leaving it for me, I absolutely love it on my body,
The last tattoo I placed on my body was fun. Almost perfect. It is a raptor scratch that reveals a panda eating from a bamboo tree. The scratch represents my ex Jamie (I did say most involve a woman, right) and myself. I am the panda bear and she was the raptor.
So the videos in this section represent the beginning and the end of our relationship. At the beginning she shared this Bishop Briggs song to describe how she felt being close to me. We often in the beginning used music to define our feelings and courtship.
Ok ok, we are starting here… these are currently my top 5 “Endless Summer Bucket List Adventures”. Each item is something I have long dreamed of experiencing. Childhood dreams, desires and plans come to life as an adult. Also dreams developed as an adult can also be thrown in.
Building a top 5 list of my top Endless Summer Bucket List Adventure was not an easy task. There are so many places and experiences out there! So for now I have narrowed that down to the following 5. Because I am Sam, Sam I am!!! There is room for these to be appended or updated as I see how each fits into life.
#1 – Learn to surf on iconic Southern California beach breaks.
The first was easiest, Learn to Surf and then surf the most iconic summer beach breaks in southern California. Ever since seeing the first Endless Summer movie, I have wanted to live my own version of the endless summer. Nothing appealed to me more than this perfect plan for an adventure based on a cult classic movie. Except, while I have boogie boarded, body surfed and paddle boarded, any time I have actually tried to surf, well I was intimidated by my insecurities, not being able to stand up and the “hetero” normative scenes out in the lineup!
So, the first task will be learning to surf, then rolling down to those iconic southern California beach break and catching a few Sam sized beginner waves. Leading up to that will require some work. I have been out of shape for some time. My core will need to be strengthened and my knees sorted out. That means moving more and dropping some of this non “dad bod” weight! It all starts with stretching and body weight work.
Check back in March, I will be heading to Cancun to take surf lessons on small beach breaks. Little Sam sized beginner waves for long boarding lessons. There will definitely be a video on this one.
#2 – Meet and speak with role models who have inspired me.
The second may appear to be off the beaten path. However vital to the development of my growing and being able to appreciate the experience of these adventures. So I’ve reached out to some of the people in this world who have inspired me to seek out accomplishing my dreams. This one will definitely take some time.
As I receive responses over the coming months and can meet up with some of these mentors and role models as I get the opportunities to meet some of these people, I will be sharing those experiences with you! One thing I will say, while there were people I looked up to when growing up, I have more role models who are younger than older. I find in fascinating that the people I admire right now are younger than I am, doing things that I only wish were available to me when I was their age.
One of. my dreams has always been to live remotely and work. Pre digital nomad I did it the best way I knew how when I moved to California. I worked from home living in Huntington Beach, but I never imagined even in the early 2000s we could have location independence as we do now.
Look for me to bring other creators, business peers, professionals in their industry and people who are my heroes/heroines to be interviewed in the coming months.
#3 – Learn to free dive for at least 3-5 minutes or more.
For the third on the list, the sun sand and surf are right back at the forefront. As a kid I can recall hours in the water swimming and trying to stay under as long as possible. I could never get better than the minute mark. I would always count the seconds, 1, 2, 3… in my head until the need for air forced me back to the surface.
When I watch YouTube videos of creators staying under the water longer than a minute I am so jealous. I would love to stay down 3-5 minutes if possible. Going down deep and watching the marine life frolic just leaves me feeling such joy inside. To do this will require some training. I will need to prepare for holding my breath long periods of time. Currently I am recovering from COVID, but once I feel lung stronger, I will start posting to Patreon the progress of my breath holding. Perhaps a chart is required.
Reaching out to the dive centres here on Isla Mujeres to find someone who can help train and spot me as learn to free dive long enough to achieve #4.
#4 – Experience great whites, reef and tiger sharks in the wild.
There has never been a time I can recall not thinking about wanting to see a live shark out in the wild! Truth is that It’s highly probable while body boarding or swimming in the oceans off the coast of SoCal there could be toothy guy in the grey suit within 100 yards of me and I never knew. Which is key. I never saw it!
I have seen sharks in Aquariums but that is the closest ever. I am obsessed with seeing a shark. Not just any shark. The goal is to experience Great Whites near Guadeloupe and in SoCal. To swim amongst black and white tip reef sharks or go to the Bahamas and see the Tigers. Obviously I would like a safe controlled experience with professionals. But, yeah, get me in the water with sharks please!
#5 – Cover World Surf League events around the world
The last item that is going on this top 5 list is very close to my heart. The goal is to revisit a period in my life where I was most excited by what I was doing. Incredibly excited and felt at home, but too afraid to own it and be myself through the process. The struggle I always have.
In my 30s I started an online magazine SlidingGlass.com about being on the water and using it as a means to create fun! Covering the adrenaline packed world of the pro wake, surf and jetski sports. I loved these sports. I have always loved surfing, this landlocked freshwater fish loved a port that was the hardest to try. Instead I opted for skating. I was decent, better on street than ramps. Either way. I loved being at the contests and shooting the athletes however, I was ashamed and embarrassed to do put myself out there again fearing the “hetero” normative, what I decided would be “judgey” energy of the bros. I failed due to my own fears of being judged. I just want to shoot the content and write about it when it moves me. So I am going to.
“Don’t let your dreams and goals hang. Hurry up and add them to your bucket list.”
— anonymous
Alright then, time to share! What are your bucket list items? Where do you dream of going? What do you most desire to do in life? Are you ready to live your best life ever?
Comment below tell us all about your bucket list!!!
